I was telling you about how a seminar has significantly shaped my idea about life.
The next topic Father Ashley touched upon in his discussion was –
How to differentiate between love and infatuation?
Father Ashley continued in friendly tone:-
At some point in your teenage you must have thought or even think that boy/girl is really cute! You may even have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. It may even happen that you think of running/eloping together. Or even have imagined that this is the person my soul is looking for! Or even if all this has never happened in your life you may have at least, even for a single second, thought to have a person who loves you more than anything else.
Some of the girls present in the auditorium were shocked on hearing these words, some were deeply interested. On my part, I have seen all these in movies but never experienced such thoughts in school. Instead of feeling interested in seminar, I was busy observing others, and to my curiosity I saw everyone was listening to Father Ashley with deep interest, even our teachers present over there, paid full focus on every word of Father. *maybe by this point in seminar our teachers started to relate their teen life with Father Ashley’s words.*
Then Father Ashley said in a teasing voice with index finger flying slowly around, pointing to everyone
I know you think of such things because almost all the adults thought the same things when they were at your age.
*I actually saw a few teachers blushing!*
Father Ashley then explained carefully in a commanding voice. His voice was heard in every corner of the auditorium full of girls.
You must feel liking for a girl or a boy, you may even love him or her, but I sincerely request you that in your school life you should avoid such relationships. You can definitely have friendships with boys or girls but please avoid love relations in school.
Father Ashley proclaimed strongly
I am not against Love. I am against Infatuation.
Do You know what is infatuation? It is a sudden feeling of intense likeliness you feel for someone. You may even feel to get sexually intimate with that person. You may even have imaginations like THIS IS MY LIFE PARTNER! You may even think I FOUND MY SOUL MATE! You may even have thoughts like I can change myself for that person. Or have thoughts like I can do anything for that person.
And then you start to pay more attention on your looks. You dress well so that you can impress that person. You look into mirror multiple times just to ensure that hairs are good, your teeth are clean, you look smart etc.. If all this happens to you then my friend, you are infatuated to that person.
At your age it is really easy to get infatuated to someone. But you must never enter into any serious relationship until you are standing strong on your feet. You should enter into a serious relationship like marriage or sexual intercross only when you are independent or atleast earning enough to sustain yourself independently, *God forbid* if something worse happens to you, If at some point of life, harsh times comes to you, then you should be strong on your feet enough, that you are not dependent on anyone. AND THIS I SPECIALLY SAY TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE GIRLS.
Now don’t enter into a debate that why only girls? This is the HARSH TRUTH ABOUT OUR SOCIETY.
In a calming tone Father continued “I cannot change the society but I can show you the real face of the society”
No one uttered a single word but the expression of our teachers was enough for anyone to understand that each and every word spoken that moment was completely true.
*After a few minutes of silence and deep thinking*
In a girlish tone Father Ashley popped up with a question on behalf of his audience,
“But Father what if I think I really found my soul mate? Should I leave him thinking that he is just my infatuation?” Then answering his own question Father said,
No my child, Never. Lucky are those to find true love in their lives!
If you think that you turly love that person then give time to your relationship. This is the best test to identify if is love or infatuation.
When you are infatuated to a person, then after sometime you lose interest in that person. This is the reason many love marriages fail. The young generation doesn’t keep patience. They feel that they are in true love and in a haste they get married then repent whole life for their wrong decision.
Love is about being patient. How can you spend your whole life with someone if you cannot have patience with that person even for two minutes?
Give time to your relationship. If it is infatuation it will fade away but if its love if will become more refined and profound. When you give time to understand each other you end up shaping a beautiful life for both of you. More importantly, to fall in love at a young age as yours definitely need to keep patience from your side. Even if you found your true soul mate, still go on with your studies, establish a good career for yourself, stand independently on your feet. Then think of entering into a relationship. Your soul mate will definitely feel proud about you. He will be proud about you to receive such a mature person as a life partner who not only loves him but also understands the harsh realities of life. Girls, he will be proud of you because then he would never be worried about what will you do to sustain your livelihood *God forbids* if something happens to him.
Concluding in the end..
Last piece of advice to young girls like you,
If your love says that you don’t need to work or study because he comes from a well off family. If he Forces you, that you should immediately make marriage with him, then I am warning you young ladies about such a person. If I were at your place, I would think thousands of times but still not trust that person for my life partner.
With this bold advise we moved on to the next topic of the seminar.